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EBW vs. AQPW: The Last Throwdown: The Undercard

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The show fades in on the ruins of the former Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling arena, home to both Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling and Anime Queens Pro Wrestling.  The camera pans across, showing a massive outdoor arena similar to Tribute to the Troops, a construct of thousands of bleachers and standing-room-only areas centering around a large wrestling ring and a large entrance ramp leading up to a makeshift stage with the large video screen above it, blocking off the wrestlers’ area from sight.  The place is absolutely filled with fans, and the camera pans across them as pyro bursts out from everywhere, “The Hard Sell” by Coheed & Cambria blaring out as “The Last Throwdown” hits the air.  The camera slowly pans over to the announce table at ringside, and the lone figure sitting there, headset firmly placed on and mountain of food at her fingertips...

Lina: Man... I’ll never get tired of this.  Lina Inverse here, the Original Slayer and EBW Full Moon champion, and I welcome you to “EBW vs. AQPW: The Last Throwdown”, live from Hokkaido.  The six women who held Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling’s most important prize, the Heart of Japan, and the tag team that held their belts longer than any title whatsoever, take on the six Anime Queens Pro Wrestling division representatives from AQPW: Singularity, as well as their ‘forgotten’ Heavyweight champion.  It totals up to seven matches with two utterly epic main events.

The camera pans across the audience as applause and music blare out, and graphics for each of the matches are shown.

Lina: Man, so many memories... we’ve got a battle of pure, raw strength as EBW’s own ‘Hunter J’, the Devil Lady, takes on AQPW’s Reiko Ando.  I expect nothing but brute power there.  EBW’s Lain Iwakura, Goddess of the Wired, takes on AQPW’s Kiyone Makibi in what I’m sure is gonna be a technical classic... tons of holds, reversals, it might go pretty long.  EBW’s Sailor Saturn, leader of the Outer Senshi, takes on AQPW’s resident kogal Ran Kotobuki in what was supposed to be a ladder match... but at the last minute, we’ve decided to make it Ultimate X!  EBW’s longest reigning champions of any kind, FLCL, take on the AQPW’s Gunsmith Cats in a tag team tables melee... only way to win is to put your opponent through a table.  And there’s gonna be nothing but a vicious brawl ahead when EBW’s own drunken ass-kicker Ryoko Hakubi takes on AQPW’s fallen queen, Sailor Galaxia.

Brief video packages of the next four competitors accompany Lina Inverse’s talking about the matches...

Lina: And the two main events... oh boy.  On one hand, the suicidal Eva pilot determined to destroy everyone in her path to get the love and attention she craves.  On the other hand, a perfectionist psychopath who went nearly undefeated in the Hardcore division.  EBW’s Asuka Langley Soryu and AQPW’s Chiri Kitsu fight in the most gruesome of all matches... the ‘I Quit’ match.  No pins, no DQs, no count outs, no nothing.  Making your opponent say “I quit’ is the only way to end it.  And our main event... our main event is gonna be the most amazing thing.  Ayumu ‘Osaka’ Kasuga, the longest reigning EBW Heart of Japan, the spacey little girl who always gives it her all, takes on another cute girl with a heart of gold, the ‘goddess’ of AQPW, Milfeulle Sakuraba.  These two were the top performers in their federations, and won their final shows’ main events... Osaka beating Ryoko at EBW: Forever and Milfeulle beating Chiri and Ran at AQPW: Singularity.  The Sata Andagi Spear vs. the Good Luck Lock.  Sata Andagi vs. Strawberry Milfeulle.  I wouldn’t miss it for all the treasure in the world!

The show stars in earnest as the Devil Lady, the massive mountain of strength and fur, slowly makes her way to the ring, seemingly lost in thought.  Inside the ring, however, she gives out a powerful, ear-piercing scream.  A short while later, the ‘strongest woman in the world’, Reiko Ando, makes her entrance as well, rolling into the ring and looking cautiously at the former Jun Fudou.

Lina: Back in EBW, the Devil Lady was used as an ultra-powerful battering ram for Ayeka’s corporation, and a henchwoman for Asuka Langley Soryu’s schemes.  It wasn’t until she broke free of her chains that we saw what kind of tortured soul she truly was, and was awarded the Heart of Japan on the final night of EBW: Forever for helping save the company from evil in an Ultimate Jeopardy match.  Reiko Ando was AQPW: Singularity’s Intercontinental representative, beating out a division full of strong, muscular women for that honor.  It’s power vs. power here to kick off “The Last Throwdown”!

---

The two powerful she-hulks, Devil Lady obviously the larger and stronger one, clasped their hands in a classic Test of Strength pose.  The two shoves hard, muscles swelling and flexing, unable to overpower one another.  After several tense seconds, the Devil Lady broke up the ‘test’ with a violent kick to Reiko’s gut, doubling her over and forcing her to let go.  Reiko responded, sending a powerful punch right at the Devil Lady’s abs... one that seemed to do no damage, as the Devil lady just stood there and grinned sickeningly.  But repeated punches from the ‘world’s strongest woman’ were beginning to have an effect, as the Devil Lady started to double over.  She stopped Reiko’s momentum, however, with a violent kick to the face, sending Reiko reeling.  Then, just to show off her raw beast strength even further, the Devil Lady reached down, wrapped one arm around Reiko’s waist, lifted her off the mat and hurled her across the ring with a shocking Karelin Lift.

Further showing off her devastating strength, the Devil Lady reached over and grabbed Reiko’s body, lifting the muscle woman above her head with a shocking Gorilla Press, hefting her over her head several times.  But she took too long, and Reiko was able to wriggle out of the move, landing on her feet behind Hunter J.  Before the Devil Lady could react, Reiko grabbed her and lifted her up herself, setting the Devil Lady face-up on her own shoulders and using her powerful arms to wrench and crush the Devil Lady’s back... lifting and carrying and destroying the Devil Lady with an Argentine Backbreaker.  She wrenched in the powerful hold for the longest time before slamming the Devil Lady back to the mat back-first, taking a couple of stomps on her chest for good measure.

Reiko grabbed the Devil Lady by the hair and pulled her to her feet, wrapping her arms around the beast in preparation for a suplex... but the beast woman overpowered Reiko Ando, wrapping her arms around Reiko’s waist and lifting her off the ground with a crushing Bearhug.  Both powerhouses were obviously in pain by now, as the Devil Lady crushed her powerful arms around Reiko’s body.  As soon as she thought she’d broken Reiko’s will, she maneuvered those powerful arms so that Reiko was upside-down, belly-to-belly with the beast.  The Devil Lady was obviously setting up for the Beast Driver, her crippling finishing maneuver and her variant of a Tombstone Piledriver.

But with her last ounce of strength, Reiko started rocking back and forth... and the pain in the Devil Lady’s back became apparent as the pain forced her to bend forward.  Reiko’s feet hit the floor in front of the Devil Lady, and still locked together, Reiko shockingly stood up... now the Devil Lady was in the position to take her own finisher!  Reiko dropped immediately to her knees, crushing the Devil Lady’s skull into the mat with her own finisher.  She slumped her own body on top of the prone beast’s, getting a three-count and starting off the night big for The Last Throwdown.

---

Lina: Damn!  What a powerful way to kick off The Last Throwdown.  Anime Queens is up 1-0, and two mountains of strength collided.  Reiko Ando was incredibly impressive tonight.

Reiko slowly gets to her feet, the referee raising her hand in victory.  The Devil Lady slowly wakes up, staggering to her feet.  Reiko extends one hand to shake the Devil Lady’s... but the beast responds by thrusting out arm out, grabbing Reiko by the neck.

Lina: Come on, Hunter J... this one’s over...

The Devil Lady, instead of delivering a devastating Chokeslam, seems to regain some of her humanity and lets go, rolling out of the ring and over the guard rail, disappearing into the crowd.  The ring crew start setting up the ring for the next match as the camera cuts to the back, showing one of the two legends going at in the main event, Ayumu ‘Osaka’ Kasuga.  She smiles cheerfully as the AQPW’s interviewer, the hikkikomori Kiri Komori, holds a microphone out of her blanket for her.  AS the temporary arena for this final night is outdoors, the ‘backstage’ area is simply a giant ‘room’ walled off by black cloth, hiding it from the stands and the main event area.

Lina: Osaka... nobody ever thought this kid would have been as amazing as she was.  Ended up being our top draw, and the reason people came back week after week to watch EBW.  First Heart of Japan champion, won the final main event... you wouldn’t know it looking at her, but she’s one of the best female wrestlers out there today.  Could work on her mental capacity some, though...

Kiri: I’m here backstage with one of the women in our main event tonight, Osaka.

Osaka: Hello!  Man, it’s great to see all of my friends again.  Of course, there’s a lot of scary people here too.  But there were a lot of scary people back in EBW.  Man, I had so much fun there, I was like, how could this be?  I won the Heart of Japan championship, I got to make friends like Sailor Saturn and Ryoko Hakubi... and there were lots of people cheering me on, too!  I think that’s the part I liked the best!  Even when Sailor Moon and the Inner Senshi invaded and tried to beat everyone up... even when Princess Ayeka got really mean with all the power she had... even when Asuka Langley Soryu went crazy... even when me and Sailor Saturn fought... even when Princess Ayeka got rid of the Heart of Japan and gave that fake aluminum belt to Sailor Moon... the fans were always cheering me and my friends on.  And in the end, things ended up alright.  So everyone please keep cheering us on!  We’re almost finished, you know.  But we’re gonna work really hard here at the end.  I promise!

Kiri: What about your opponent tonight, Milfeulle Sakuraba?

Osaka: Milfeulle works really hard, too.  It’s gonna be really nice that on our last night, I get to fight someone who’s nice, too.  Fighting mean people means I always had to watch out for cheating.  But if I’m gonna fight Milfeulle, I can just concentrate on having the best match I can!  But it’s still gonna be hard... so I’ve gotta get it together.  Get it together.  Get it together!

Osaka seems deep in concentration as Kiri walks away, and the feed cuts back to the ring area of the outdoor arena.  Four large, metal poles have been set up, jutting from each ring post, and at the top of each pole are ropes connecting the opposite corners to each other, forming a large ‘X’ above the ring.  From the junction of the two ropes, hands a large orange, plastic ‘X’.  Sailor Saturn is the first to make her entrance, walking down the ramp and looking up at the large ‘X’.

Lina: As someone who ended up taking that ‘fake aluminum belt’ from Sailor Moon at EBW Forever, I can attest to how much of a problem the Inner Senshi were.  But you want to talk about the Outer Senshi, that’s a fascinating story.  Pluto sacrificed her title shot... let’s be real, it was essentially ‘Money in the Bank’... so that Saturn could be the Heart of Japan champion.  Pluto ended up winning the Hardcore title, Uranus and Neptune won the Tag Team titles, all the gold was around the Outer Senshi’s waists.  Then, all in one night, it was all gone, and Hotaru Tomoe was left all alone...

As she looks up from the outside, the red-clad kogal Ran Kotobuki rushes out from the entrance curtain.  She runs down and, showing amazing agility, leaps onto the guard rail separating the ring area and the audience.  Saturn turns around, but only has a second to see Kotobuki run across the railing, leap off, wrap one arm around the back of Saturn’s neck in mid-air, and spin around and slam her face-down into the dirt with a Tornado DDT.

Lina: Wow!  Not to say anything of Ran Kotobuki... the only three-time champion in either EBW or AQPW, Ran Kotobuki was a mainstay in the AQPW X-Division with nasty tactics like that, and she was actually part of the main event at Singularity... of course, after trying and failing to break it up with Sailor Galaxia’s help, she was eliminated pretty early.  Two of the most successful high-flyers go at it in this Ultimate X match... I wonder what’s inside the ‘X’ this time!

---

Taking the cheap advantage, Ran stomped Saturn’s face into the dirt a couple of times before reaching underneath the ring, where all the weapons are traditionally stored.  As she pulled out a ladder, preparing for an easy victory, the referee reminded her that in an Ultimate X match, you weren’t allowed to use a ladder to grab the ‘X’... you had to climb the pole and shimmy across the rope.

As Ran complained to the referee, Saturn got back to her feet.  Ran laid the ladder against the ring on the outside as Saturn ran against the guard rail, rebounded off of it, and extended both legs out horizontally, crashing into Ran Kotobuki’s face with a Triangle Dropkick that sent her face-first into the dirt.

Saturn rolled back into the ring, trying to climb one of the poles as Ran got to her feet, brushing her face.  Apparently frustrated and done with the reunion show, she started back up the entrance ramp... only to see Sailor Uranus, Neptune and Pluto... the rest of the Outer Senshi... emerge and block her path.  With nowhere else to go, Ran made her way cautiously back towards the ring as Sailor Saturn started crossing the rope to grab the swaying ‘X’ in the middle.  A sick grin came across Ran’s face, apparently getting a sickening idea as she walked over to the still-flat ladder leaning against the ring on the outside.

What happened next shocked the audience into stunned silence.  Just as Saturn had made it to the ‘X’ in the middle of the ropes, Ran bolted up the ladder and leapt off of the top into the ring.  The momentum and height gave her enough speed to wrap her legs around Saturn’s neck, forcing her to let go.  The momentum pulled Saturn, her head trapped between Kotobuki’s legs, and flew over the other edge of the ring, both of them crashing into Lina Inverse’s announce table on the other end with sickening force!  A truly epic version of Ran’s finisher, the Shibuya Showstopper, that truly did stop the show!

The EMTs rushed out, checking on both girls after that crippling crash.  Both girls were knocked out for the longest time, until Saturn, in agonizing pain, slowly got to her feet.  On the entrance ramp, it was obvious that Setsuna wanted to run down and help her Outer Senshi sister, but Hotaru and Michiru warned her against it... this was something she had to do.  Ran slowly followed, but stopped for a detour underneath the ring.  She pulled out a wooden table this time, tossing it into the ring.  As Saturn slowly and painfully climbed one of the poles, Ran sat up the table in the middle of the ring.

As Saturn slowly shimmied across the rope, Ran stood on top of the table, reaching for the ‘X’.  She couldn’t use a ladder... but there was no rule, apparently, against using a table.  Saturn, seeing this, took a deep breath and started pulling herself... with the last of her strength, she swung back and forth on the rope.  She finally let go, twirling backwards in the air and tucking and untucking her knees and arms in mid-air, a hardcore variation of her stunning Shooting Saturn Press.  A stunning display... but at the last second, Ran leapt up, grabbing the ‘X’ and tucking her knees up.  This left Saturn to crash directly through the table, already weak from the epic crash earlier, and completely drained her.  In the end, as the rest of the Outer Senshi came to her aid, Ran undid the rig holding the ‘X’ to the ropes, and she and the ‘X’ fell to the mat, crashing onto Saturn and the wreckage of the table.

---

Lina: Holy crap.  I almost don’t mind that those two nearly killed me.  Did you see that?  What the heck?  Ran Kotobuki pulls it out... man, those were some spots any luchadore would be happy to have on their highlight reel.

The rest of the Outer Senshi runs into the ring, effectively scaring Ran Kotobuki off.  The kogal rolls out of the ring, holding the large orange ‘X’ in her arms.  She lifts it up triumphantly as the Outer Senshi motion for EMTs to help Saturn out.

Lina: Some totally horrific crashes there... and sometimes with luchadores, it’s all about who lands on top.  I mean... over the ring... wow.  And we’re just getting started tonight, as Anime Queens are 2-0 now over EBW.

The ring crew start disassembling the X-Division rig as the camera cuts to the rear of the temporary outdoor ‘stadium’... far past the curtained-off ‘backstage’ area, into a place where several large, flashy semi trucks are parked.  Several referees are gathered around the cab of one of the trucks, and there seems to be some commotion as one of them is trying to open the cab’s door to no avail.

Lina: A little technical difficulty, I guess.  We are live, after all.

The referees start banging on the window... and for several seconds, we see a familiar face...

Lina: Asuka?  Holy crap, that’s Asuka Langley Soryu.  Perennial thorn in the side of Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling, a former EBW Heart of Japan champion... albeit for about fifteen minutes... and towards the end, she more or less went psycho.  Last time we saw her, she was being hauled back to NERV...

Asuka glares out of the side window, her expression emotionless as the camera cuts back to the arena.  Everyone bolts to their feet as the queen pirate bitch herself, Ryoko Hakubi, makes her entrance.  She enters with her usual bottles of hot sake, chugging them and tossing the empties haphazardly into the crowd.  She rolls into the ring and raises her arms, reveling in the crowd as a member of the ring crew tosses a microphone in to her.

Lina: Man... if Osaka was the hero of EBW, Ryoko Hakubi was the anti-hero.  It was her battle with Osaka that tore the house down at EBW Forever, and she’s another former Heart of Japan... when she and Ayeka finally got their hands on each other...

Ryoko: You know, for a second, I was worried you guys had forgotten all about me.  But I haven’t forgotten about this place.  You look past the entrance stage they built here a couple hundred meters, you’ll see what’s left of the old EBW Arena.  And I guess it’s kind of fitting that they’re tearing that place down finally, because I know that right up until the natural disasters hit, we were tearing this place down every single week.  Kickin ass every single night I was sober enough, and even some of the nights I wasn’t so sober... hell, some of those were the most fun.  Going head-to-head with people like Lain Iwakura... like Osaka... like that bitch Ayeka... man, it brings me back.  And I was watching closely from the comfort of the Masaki Shrine when Anime Queens Pro Wrestling came here for Griefer’s Paradise and Ultra Beatdown.  And back then, just as we had back in EBW, we had a major problem.  I guess you could say it was an infestation.  A nasty, disgusting, filthy vermin we just couldn’t shake.

Ryoko leaned over the ropes, chugging another bottle of sake with a grin.

Ryoko: I’m talking, of course, about the Senshi infestation.  Now, those Outer Senshi, they proved themselves to be alright.  But when that bitch Sailor Moon brought her little Inner Senshi friends in, we were fighting them off night after night, week after week, month after month, and after we thought we got rid of them, Sailor Moon herself came back right under Ayeka’s thumb.  Ayeka even yanked the Heart of Japan out of my hands minutes after I won it, and handed Usagi this silver lump of horse crap called the Full Moon title.  And even at the very end, Lina Inverse, sitting right there at the announce table, won that belt away from her.

Ryoko grins, pointing the mic to Lina on the outside.  She stands up and takes a bow.

Ryoko: Between all five inner senshi, not a single one ever got a win.  But Sailor Galaxia was a lot more successful.  She was able to steal the AQPW Heavyweight Title, and use whatever tactics she could to hold onto it until Milfeulle Sakuraba finally yanked it away... and she did it the right way.  Milfeulle, just like Osaka, you may seem adorable to people who are into that kind of thing, but deep down inside, you’re one tough son-of-a-bitch.  So Galaxia, you bring your Sailor Animamates, bring your armies, bring whatever the hell you want.  Because the sooner I mow your bitch ass down, the sooner I can go ahead and get a prime seat in the back to watch the main event.

Ryoko tosses the microphone outside of the ring, pacing and watching with a grin.  Indeed, Sailor Galaxia does make her entrance next, and as feared, she wasn’t alone.  The Sailor Animamates... Sailor Lead Crow, Sailor Aluminum Seiren, Sailor Tin Nyanko and Sailor Iron Mouse... followed directly behind her.  But as soon as they start making their entrance, half-way down the entrance ramp, they stop, and Galaxia motions behind her... and to everyone’s shock, Sailor Moon emerges, microphone in hand, with all of the Inner Senshi... Mercury, Mars, Venus and Jupiter... in tow.

Lina: Sailor Moon!  What the hell... she wasn’t invited!  Last time we saw her, she’d smashed Chibi-Moon in the face with a bale of barbed wire after I single-handedly beat the entire Inner Senshi!  Well... beaten them all by disqualification, but the ‘aluminum’ Full Moon title could change hands on Disqualification that night!

Moon: Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling... those three words caused me nothing but pain.  All those months I followed Ayeka... and all those months my sisters in the Inner Senshi followed me.  But in the end, I lost everything... Sailor Galaxia, you talked before about me, back in Anime Queens.  You talked about the lessons I tried to teach you.  I’m... I’m sorry I tried to force those lessons on you.  I should have been listening to you.  Pain... emptiness... darkness... even as the world’s greatest heroine and future inheritor of Neo-Tokyo, people still hate me to this day.  Even as they plan on remaking my adventures, nobody seems to care.  If I’d just listened to you, Galaxia... if I’d just given in, as you wanted... now I know that trying to get people to love me is pointless.  I don’t deserve love.  Just like people like Milfeulle Sakuraba and Osaka... people like Chiri Kitsu and Ryoko... they don’t deserve your love.  All there is... is chaos.  Ryoko... in the name of the Moon... burn in hell.

Usagi tosses the mic away and rolls into the ring.  Before she can react, Sailor Moon thrusts one leg out, catching Ryoko right under her chin with a nasty superkick... the Sweet Moon Music, the only move she knew.

Lina: This is gonna be a ten-on-one beatdown!  I can’t let this happen...

---

Indeed, both the Sailor Animamates and Inner Senshi dashed into the ring, resulting in a ten-on-one beatdown of a prone Ryoko.  Backup, however, started coming... and it started with the two tiny cat princesses, Dejiko and the undefeated Puchiko, former EBW Tag Team champions Di Gi Charat.  The two leapt onto the ring apron, and then each of them took to one of the turnbuckles.  They seemed uncertain about what to do, but all of a sudden, from the crowd, leapt their comrades-in-cuteness Rabi-En-Rose and Piyoko.  The ten Sailors looked in surprise as a member of Di Gi Charat took to each turnbuckle, and at Puchiko’s count, all of them flew off, slamming into the mass of Senshi in the ring, sending all 15 women to the mat!

The backup kept coming as Milly Thompson, the holder of the EBW Hardcore Trophy (just as Puchiko and Haruhara Haruko held the Tag Team trophies, won on EBW’s final night), dutifully wheeled a large dumpster towards the ring.  The hulking Milly seemed to shove the giant dumpster with ease, and the recovering Senshi watched in surprise as the dumpster opened... out came Shiro, former AQPW X-Division champion, Ropponmatsu I and II, former AQPW Tag Team champions, and the hulking Genie, former AQPW Intercontinental Champion!  A violent brawl between 20 women at once ensued, the odds finally evened as the multitude of brawls spilled out of the ring.

After all the brawling poured out of the ring, only Sailor Galaxia and Ryoko remained... Ryoko, who was obviously showing the effects of being slaughtered 10-on-1, as she started coughing up blood.  Galaxia just cackled violently, watching as Sailor Moon rolled back into the ring... but to Usagi’s shock, one figure crawled over the mass of bishoujo brawling on the outside.  Lina Inverse, who’d defeated Sailor Moon before and taken the aluminum Full Moon title from her, grabbed Usagi by the shoulder.  Soon as she was facing her, Lina leapt into the air, turned horizontal in the air, and thrust both legs out, thrusting both feet right into Sailor Moon’s face with the Dragon Slave Dropkick.  Galaxia’s momentary shock was all Ryoko needed as she kicked Galaxia in the gut, turned around, hooked one arm around Galaxia’s neck and sat down quickly, jacking Galaxia’s jaw right against her shoulder with a Pirate Bitch Stunner.

As things slowly started to calm down, the former EBW and AQPW superstars rolled back into the ring, the Animamates and Inner Senshi thoroughly destroyed.  All the former champions celebrated their symbolic victory... and symbolic was all it was, as in the end, the referee had to throw the match out.

---

The alums of Anime Queens Pro Wrestling and Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling celebrate in the ring, hugging and posing, as the Inner Senshi and Animamates leave to lick their wounds for the final time.  A swarm of referees emerge, trying to clear up the 21-woman wreckage, as the camera cuts back to part of the ‘backstage area’, where Milfeulle Sakuraba is watching the closed circuit feed of the show.

Milfeulle: Wow.  Giant brawls, tons of action, epic battles between good and evil... it’s hard to believe that Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling did this week in and week out for over half a year.  And when I finally got my chance to join in the fun... well, it wasn’t always fun, of course.  I certainly got beat up a lot.  But like every good story, it’s got a good moral.  That if you fight for what you truly believe in with all your heart, then justice will prevail.

Milfeulle leans back in her chair, smiling as some audio static infers that Lina Inverse has gotten back to her table and gotten her headset back on.

Milfeulle: And just like any good desert tray, the best part about it was the variety.  I mean, we had huge, powerful giants... really mean and brutal hardcore matches... long twisty technical fights... I mean, it felt a lot like were cramming a lot more than just one show into every show.  I don’t know if that really makes sense... I guess I’m saying the show has a lot more attitude than most wrestling shows these days.  Kind of a throwback to the past.  I’m just glad that we’re gonna be able to say goodbye the right way.  With one last, big night of fun and action.  But I can’t get too ideal right now... I mean, I am taking on Osaka after all.  And even if I don’t have to worry about her cheating or anything, I know it’s gonna be the fight of my life.  I hope everyone out there is wishing me luck...

Milfeulle looks at the camera itself, giving a cute little wink, as the camera cuts back to the announce table, where Lina Inverse is back in position.  The camera pans across the arena and shows a classic 1967 model Shelby Mustang Cobra GT500 with white racing stripes pulling up next to the entrance ramp.  Rally Vincent is driving, and Minnie May Hopkins is riding shotgun.

Lina: A little love letter from the ‘goddess of AQPW’, Milfeulle Sakuraba.  And you’ll have to excuse my silence... had to finish taking out the trash.  Now the back story on this match... although The Gunsmith Cats are two-time former AQPW Tag Team champions, only Rally Vincent represented the Tag Team division at Singularity... the decision was split between her and Miss Sakaki, who walked out on her partner Miss Kagura, as well as the federation.

The Gunsmith cats hop out of their car, making their entrance.  As soon as they enter the ring itself, Haruhara Haruko and Samejima Mamimi, FLCL, barrel out of the entrance curtain and down the entrance ramp on Haruko’s custom Vespa.

Lina: FLCL... These two were the bane of EBW for its entire existence.  They held the Tag Team titles longer than anyone in either federation had held any title, including Chiri Kitsu’s clean sweep with the AQPW Hardcore title.  Haruko’s sick mind and psychotic personality, combined with Mamimi’s sadistic tendencies, and their devastating Atomsk Drop, made them a force to be reckoned with right up until EBW Forever... when a collapse of a rig made both Haruhara Haruko and Puchiko the co-holders of the Tag Team trophy.

Both members of FLCL roll into the ring, prepared to obliterate the Gunsmith Cats... but before the match can begin, the referee steps in between the four, holding a microphone.

Referee: This match was originally scheduled to be a Tables match, which would end when one member of either team went through a table.  But considering that Rally Vincent was the only member of the Tag Team division to move on to Singularity, and Haruhara Haruko was the only member of her tag team to win the Tag Team trophy at Forever, this match is now a Captain’s Fall Table match.  Either Rally Vincent or Haruhara Haruko has to be the one that goes through a table.

The referee rolls the microphone out of the ring.  Almost immediately, both Minnie May Hopkins and Samejima Mamimi roll out of the ring, looking for weapons as Rally and Haruko trash talk each other.

Lina: What a twist... but I guess it makes sense.  Captain’s Fall Table Match, coming at you!

---

Trash talking between Rally Vincent and Haruhara Haruko turned shoving, and shoving lead to trading punches.  This wasn’t going to be a technical classic... it was going to be an all-out brawl.  As the two traded punches, repeatedly staggering each other, Mamimi seemed to take a break from looking for weapons to roll back into the ring.  While May was still outside, Mamimi leapt onto the top turnbuckle.  Haruko, seeing this before Rally could, ran over and wrapped her arms around Rally, trapping her in a Bearhug.  It wasn’t that powerful, but it gave Mamimi enough time to leap off of the turnbuckle, splashing off and slamming into Rally the second Haruko let go, flattening her with a Dynasty-Style Hart Attack.

The two laughed as Minnie May reached under the ring, pulling out two tables and sliding them both into the ring.  Minnie May hurried into the ring, seeing her partner down, but Haruko slid right behind her, wrapping her arms around May’s waist.  Haruko leaned backwards, ready to slam May spine-first behind her, but in mid-air, Mamimi wrapped one arm around the front of May’s neck and fell backwards, both members of FLCL cracking May to the mat with a nasty Belly-To-Back Suplex/Inverted DDT combo.  Now that both members of the Gunsmith Cats had been rocked by double-team moves, FLCL seemed ready to put them through the tables to end it... Haruko took one of the tables and leaned it up against the turnbuckle, while Mamimi rolled back outside to get more tools.

As Rally and Minnie May got up, however, they struggled to the far end of the ring, opposite corner from the table.  Minnie May climbed up to the top of the turnbuckle, and Rally stood in front of her, as Mamimi rolled back into the ring... holding lighter fluid in one hand, and Haruko’s guitar in the other.  But the two FLCL members turned just in time to see Rally lift May up and use all her strength to hurl her forward, sending May flying with a Rocket Launcher attach... but at the last second, Haruko dragged Mamimi in front of her and rolled away, leaving Mamimi to take the hit as May flew into her, and the two crashed through the table set up in the corner.  The crash was sickening, but the match wasn’t over, as Mamimi wasn’t the captain of her team.

Rally and Haruko stared each other down as Rally picked up the other table, setting it up in front of the ring.  Haruko, however, grabbed the lighter fluid and the guitar, and unceremoniously crashed her Rickenbacker into Rally’s skull.  The Gunsmith Cat down, Haruko set to pouring lighter fluid on the table and, using the match taped to the bottle, setting it ablaze.  The stakes had just escalated wildly... the table in the middle of the ring was now on fire.

As Rally and Haruko brawled, Mamimi got to her feet first.  She reached into her pocket, pulling out a cigarette and using the table to light it up.  May slowly got back to her feet, but Mamimi simply drove her lit cigarette into May’s shoulder, forcing her to scream as Mamimi tossed her out of the ring.  The scream shocked Rally, so much that as Mamimi stood on the other side of the table, facing away, she was still just long enough for Haruko to grab her and hurl her into the ropes.  On the rebound, Haruko wrapped her arms around Rally’s waist, belly-to-belly, and hurled her upwards over her head.  Upon her descent, Mamimi leapt up, wrapping her arm underneath Rally’s neck.  Rally was sent crashing down with the utterly devastating Atomsk Drop... right through the flaming table.

---

Lina: A flaming table... I have no idea how Chiri Kitsu and Asuka Langley Soryu are gonna top this in their I Quit match tonight.  That Atomsk Drop seals another fate... as much as you might hate Haruko and Mamimi, you’ve gotta admit they’ve left their mark.

As the EMTs rolled into the ring, immediately putting out the fire, May ran right into the ring to help her obliterated comrade... and ended up getting nailed with an Atomsk Drop herself, just for the trouble.  FLCL stood tall and proud in the ring as the camera cut to the ‘back’, showing Asuka Langley Soryu has still locked herself in the cab of the truck.

Lina: Asuka Langley Soryu sequestering herself from everyone else during the war of their lives... where have I seen this before?

The referees and ring crew seem to part from the cab and Asuka stares out of her self-imposed prison... right up to her face, on the other side of the glass, stands AQPW’s perennial Hardcore champion, Chiri Kitsu.

Chiri: So... on the final night of our legacy, we end up stuck with reruns.  I expected something more from the woman who caused everyone so much pain over the course of Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling.  As AQPW’s Hardcore champion, I waged a months-long campaign against the worst and most overrated in all of anime.  Revolutionary Girl Utena, Bleach, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, Naruto... and now the queen mind-rape of them all.  Oh, they tried to tone it down, they tried to water it down a bit by releasing a couple hundred new endings, but we all know what’s canon.

The referees watch, surprised, as Asuka rolls down the window of the truck cap.

Asuka: You... you’ve seen it all.  You’ve seen it all happen.  Tell me... why would you subject me to that?  I’ve seen Hell, I’ve been through Hell, I’m going to go through Hell... why would you force that process along?

Chiri: Because sometimes you have to watch crappy anime.

Asuka: ... what are you talking about?

Chiri: Have you seen the state of animation in America today?  It’s easier to make 3D cartoons these days than to make 2D cartoons, and since America has a tendency to go for the easy answer, you get cheap 3D crap and poorly dubbed toy-selling Anime.  But Japan has kept traditional animation, and elevated it into an art form.  But just as there’s real art out there, there’s also pseudo-intellectual crap out there masquerading as art.  I’m not gonna start naming names here, because that would spark discussions that have nothing to do with the topic, although those topics are things true anime fans should discuss, instead of sequestering themselves into their own little camps.  Sometimes you need to taste sewer water to appreciate cafe-au-lait.  But don’t piss in a bucket and tell me it’s rose water because the bucket’s in the shape of a cross.

Asuka: That’s not what I’m talking about!  I don’t even understand what you’re saying!

Chiri: Apparently not.  So I can’t answer the question with anime, let’s try answering it with wrestling.  You made everyone suffer during Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling.  You furthered Ayeka’s agenda, you stole the Heart of Japan from Osaka, and basically made the first half of EBW a little more miserable for everyone involved.  And you wonder why the second half of EBW ended up so miserable for you.  If you can’t consider me the ultimate critic, consider me the human embodiment of punishment.  Does that make things more easily palatable for you?

Asuka stares out of the window, wordlessly rolling it back up and sequestering herself in the truck cab.  Chiri steps away, and the camera peels back, showing that Chiri brought a large wheelbarrow full of weapons with her... tables and chairs, mostly.

Chiri: She’ll come out when the time is right.  Meanwhile, I’m going to spend my time productively...

Chiri walks over to her pile of weapons, pulling out a table and setting it up next to the truck.  She starts constructing some kind of device as the camera cuts back to the ring area, where Kiyone Makibi is making her entrance.

Lina: Looks like both of our main events are happening, no matter what.  Well, here comes Kiyone Makibi, AQPW’s Television title representative for Singularity, kind of a mid-stream replacement for the failed United States title.  She and Kitsurubami had some pretty long technical bouts, and Kiyone seemed pretty gracious and sportsmanlike... that is, until her big loss to Milfeulle Sakuraba.

Kiyone rolls into the ring as Lain Iwakura makes her entrance, working on her tablet more than paying attention to the crowd.  She concentrates on the screen as she makes it down the entrance ramp, handing it off to a member of the ring crew before she rolls into the ring and looks up at Kiyone.

Lina: The mysterious herald of the technological age.  Lain was an enigma in EBW... she won EBW Gaiden, our version of NXT, and actually cashed in her title shot to win the EBW Heart of Japan a month later in a heart-breaking Chamber of Elimination.  She claims she never really got to show off her technical skills because both her winning of, and her losing of, the Heart of Japan title, were in Hardcore matches.  Well, if you want to put on a technical clinic, look no further than Kiyone Makibi...

---

The match began the way most technical matches began... with both Lain and Kiyone placing one hand on the other’s elbow and the other on the other’s neck in a classic Collar-and-Elbow Tie Up.  With her lower center of gravity, the shorter Lain got the advantage, and hurled Kiyone against the far ropes.  On the rebound, however, Kiyone slid behind Lain, wrapping one arm around the front of Lain’s neck and choking her from behind with a classic Sleeper Hold.  Lain reached up and knelt forward, however, pulling Kiyone to a sitting position in front of her with a Judo Throw.  Lain immediately knelt down, wrapping one arm around the front of Kiyone’s neck, wrenching back Kiyone’s arm with her free arm, and driving her knee in Kiyone’s back with a painful Dragon Sleeper.  After wrenching her for a bit, Lain let go, leaving Kiyone in the sitting position, got up and ran against the far ropes, rebounded and leapt up, driving her knee right into Kiyone’s face with a Shining Wizard that sent her reeling on the mat.

Lain walked over to Kiyone’s legs, but as soon as she bent over to grab her, Kiyone lifted her legs up, trapping Lain’s head between them.  She quickly slid one foot over and pressed it against the front of Lain’s neck and reached up, wrapping her hands around the back of Lain’s neck.  She wrenched Lain’s head and neck in a powerful and tricky Gogoplata.  Yet apparently the hold wasn’t completely proficiently locked in, as Lain was able to reach one arm around and thrust her fingers out, clamping them down on the sensitive nerves between Kiyone’s teeth and gums in a nerve-pinching Tonga Death Grip.  Kiyone’s consciousness slowly faded as she was forced to release her hold, and Lain in turn released hers.

Lain hurriedly flipped Kiyone onto her stomach, facing the opposite direction, and knelt down, grabbing one of Kiyone’s ankles in each hand.  She knelt down one knee into Kiyone’s back, wrenching her legs and back with a Walls of Jericho hold.  Kiyone, however, had the wherewithal to power out, thrusting her legs out and sending Lain stumbling off.  Lain continued running, rebounding off the ropes as Kiyone leapt to her feet.  Kiyone leapt up on the rebound, wrapping her legs around Lain’s neck and pulling her down to the mat with a speedy Hurrikenrana.  As Lain lie flattened face-up on the mat, Kiyone leapt back to her feet, running to the far ropes.  However, she leapt so that her feet hit the middle rope, and spiraled backwards in the air, slamming her body into Lain with a Moonsault... only problem was, Lain had the presence of mind to tuck her knees in, resulting in Kiyone’s gut driving right into Lain’s knees.  As Kiyone stood, holding her gut in pain, Lain popped up behind her, wrapping one arm around the back of Kiyone’s neck.  Lain leapt forward, pulling and slamming Kiyone’s face against the mat with a Bulldog attack before she rolled out of the ring, catching her breath outside as Kiyone tried to recover.

As Lain slowly got back onto the ring apron, Kiyone got to her wobbly feet back in the ring.  She walked over to Lain, the apron separating them, and wrapped one arm around the back of Lain’s neck, grabbing her under her armpit with her other.  She lifted up, lifting Lain up with a Vertical Suplex... but before she could slam her down, Lain wriggled free, landing on her feet behind Kiyone.  This didn’t faze Kiyone, however, who turned around and kicked Lain the gut, doubling her over.  She wrapped her arms around Lain’s waist and swiveled her around so that she was belly-to-belly with her, upside-down.  She thrust one arm between Lain’s legs and clamped her hands together, prepared to put the Goddess of the Wired away with her finisher, the Kiyone Piledriver.  But apparently, the pain of all the holds and throws was taking its toll and she wasn’t able to summon the strength to hold Lain up, letting her flop to the mat.

Lain hurriedly responded, wrapping both legs around Kiyone’s ankles and sending her falling face-first to the mat with a Drop Toe Hold.  She hurriedly scrambled onto Kiyone’s back, trapping one of Kiyone’s ankles between her thighs as she wrapped her hands around the front of Kiyone’s face.  She pulled and wrenched back Kiyone’s entire body, cracking and snapping her in her own finisher, the Hello Navi.  There were no ring ropes in sight to grab to break the hold, and no chance of moving in this position.  Kiyone tried to hold out as long as she could, but in the end, had no choice to tap out.

---

Lina: From hardcore brawling to a technical clinic, Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling and Anime Queens Pro Wrestling had it all.  And they show it all off tonight as Lain picks up the win.

Lain Iwakura eventually lets go of the hold and gets to her feet, looking down at Kiyone.  She extends one had to help her up, but Kiyone uncharacteristically swats it away.  Kiyone starts to leave the ring as Lain motions for, and gets, her tablet from a member of the ring crew.  As Kiyone is on the ring ramp, the giant video screen above the entrance cuts and hits static for a while, before starting to show a loop of Kiyone tapping out to the Hello Navi.  Kiyone clenches her fists in frustration while Lain tucks her tablet away.

Lina: The Goddess of the Wired, ladies and gentlemen.  From my count, we’re up to our two epic main events... before two goddesses clash, though, we’ve got to fulfill our hardcore obligations.
The undercard for EBW vs. APQW: The Last Throwdown

Lain Iwakura vs. Kiyone Makibi
Captain's Fall Table: Haruhara Haruko (w/ Samejima Mamimi) vs. Rally Vincent (w/ Minnie May Hopkins)
Ryoko Hakubi vs. Sailor Galaxia
Ultimate X: Sailor Saturn vs. Ran Kotobuki
Devil Lady vs. Reiko Ando

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.
© 2013 - 2024 WBLtheELITE
Comments7
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After far too long, I'm getting back into this for the final show. And quite the starter as well. Nice atmosphere with it being in the old arena and having mentions of old battles as well. In regards to the matches, rather surprised you started off with Devil Lady losing. She was a beast in EBW so her loss wasn't expected. Still a good match, always been fond of those kind of hoss bouts. Shame Sailor Saturn couldn't get the victory considering what she's been though, but Ran has always managed to squeak out in front when the opportunity arose. Was rather disappointed that we didn't get a redemption bit from Sailor Moon here, the Senshi coming out to help Ryoko. The match never getting started also felt a bit out of place, would have been fun to see that. Also a shame for the Cats to come up short in the end, but I liked how the table stipulation worked, don't see many of that and it tied in nicely to the past victories and losses. The technical bout was good to end things off, shame Kiyone took it badly but a solid bout.

A good start to the show. Not the full results of what I wanted, playing favourites and that, but booked fairly well.